Not Facebook Worthy

I just read an article about Facebook Envy... How we all share our finest moments and our most beautiful pictures and the envy that creates.  It inspired me to share my heart today.  This is not my finest moment... Not what I would normally consider Facebook Worthy. 

Recently, I went to a retreat where we focused on joy. At one point, one of the leaders invited ladies to come up if they were needing joy. She said if you're just not feeling the joy of the Lord, if you're wanting it and just not feeling it, come on up here and we will pray with you. I sat still in my seat. I was feeling pretty joyful. Things were great. I had just gotten back from Africa with Jason, and the business of the Fall season had not set in quite yet. So, I sat still... I even joined in when she began praying for the ones who were brave enough to stand up and admit they weren't feeling the joy. 

I'm here in my house about 6 weeks later wishing I had that group of women to surround me today. I am so overloaded that I don't know what task to work on next. My oldest child is reaching the middle school years, and we are constantly driving each other nuts. My house is always a wreck. It's been weeks since I've cooked a decent meal for my family. I feel like I'm constantly letting someone down... either one of my kids, my husband, my parents, my fellow volunteers at Aggie's Arts, and the one that makes me feel the most guilty - letting down the people we minister to in Uganda... Constantly, there is something I'm not doing well enough. 

So. Here I sit. I'm not feeling the joy right now. On the contrary, I'm feeling quite defeated. But, I know the joy is available through my Savior. I know God's got this. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I hope it brings rest. Even though I'm not feeling it, I'm still holding on to that truth that I don't have to do it all. God's got this.